


Double Dealing

by kibasniper



Category: Psychonauts (Video Games)
Genre: Arguing, Doubt, Enemies, Gen, Pre-Canon, Snark, friendship triangle, implied one-sided bobby/lili and hinted kitty/lili
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-31
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:47:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28448661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kibasniper/pseuds/kibasniper
Summary: Before he can attend Sasha's advanced training, Bobby is confronted by Kitty, who shares some information gleaned from Lili which may or may not be true.
Relationships: Kitty Bubai & Bobby Zilch
Kudos: 3





	Double Dealing

**Author's Note:**

> this fic is based on some of tweets of mine about when lili comes to camp, she becomes friends with both bobby and kitty. bobby isn't as bad of a bully as he is when he's 12 (but he still taunts and teases and gets into riffs with them), and they're pretty close until they call it quits after one too many arguments. then kitty sweeps in and becomes lili's best friend/gf, but then kitty drops her at the end of camp (or maybe drops her next summer, haven't decided yet). but during the period when they're both vying for lili's attention, they're knife-cating each other/playing tug of war with lili's arms. this fic also shows the beginning of the end for bobby and lili's friendship rip. (also, if it's not clear, bobby and kitty are both nine here!)

The button was weightless in Bobby’s hand. It fit perfectly on his palm, and if he curled in his fingers, it would be hidden within his fist. He flipped it over, finding no notable markings or insignias. Besides the four holes in the center, it was an average, shiny red button.

But the person who gave him the button was far from average. Sasha Nein was an elite Psychonaut revered by children all over the world. He was one of the best secret agents in history, a modern day psychic James Bond, who had been featured in comic books and newspapers alike. (Bobby never heard of him until he was recruited by Oleander two years ago, and even after he heard his friend sing his praises, until he saw him in action, he saw Sasha as a tall, silent, humanoid celery stalk.)

That same agent offered him advanced training. Sasha said he had witnessed Bobby’s potential after he breezed through Basic Braining and other classes. He had claimed that his levitation skills could be “so much more” if he allowed Sasha to teach him. He had passed on the button to Bobby and left without another word, not giving him the courtesy to accept or refuse his proposal.

After receiving some encouragement from his good friend - and only good friend no matter what that annoying spiral-eyed freak insinuated - he found himself in front of the GPCs. The fence had a fresh coating of rust across the entrance. New signs were hammered into place with a couple already lopsided. While he could not read them, he understood what they implied, wondering why the egghead had to give everyone the runaround.

Now that he was in front of the GPCs, he realized he never asked his friend what kind of training would be entailed. His strength was levitation, so Bobby assumed the lesson would be outdoors. But looking at his woodland surroundings, he wondered how that would be possible. Unless the lab was massive enough to fit an obstacle course like the coach’s battlefield, then he was left scratching his head at the unknown.

 _No use just standing here. I better get this over with,_ he thought, tossing the button between his hands.

Narrowing his good eye on the button, he stuffed it in his shorts pocket. He trudged forward up the ramp, hesitating when he came upon the center GPC. His reflection was distorted in the metal spires. On one jutting edge, his face was enlarged and pronounced his missing incisors. His permanent teeth were slowly growing in their place, but they twisted on to his front teeth and made his puffy gums seem more swollen than usual.

Scowling, his brows came together, and he shook his head. By staring at himself, he was reminded of his nemesis looking into her compact. She had the tendency to gaze at herself for several long minutes just like a vapid, stupid chick would. She’d ensure not a single curl was out of place or pick out any leafy greens stuck between her pearly white teeth. It was so girly that it made him want to seek her out and deliver a sucker punch for reminding him of her hoity-toity existence.

But if Bobby left now, he’d look like a chicken. He came all the way over to Sasha’s lab and didn’t want to leave empty-handed. His friend had already bolstered him by explaining how her father and Sasha worked in tandem to defeat numerous psychic villains across the globe. The training was once in a lifetime, she had promised, something that he would never regret. And with her adulation and assurance, he had believed the tick would move in his favor, letting her see that he was the real deal, the better choice compared to _that girl_ who refused to leave them alone when he passed Sasha’s advanced training.

He was about to step inside the GPC when a pleasant stench hit him. It came out of nowhere and was unlike the typical earthy scents of the forest. It was certainly not the damp moss clinging to the trees from yesterday’s thunderstorm or the rotting bark from dead trees as they were both too thick and pungent. Instead, it was a pleasant tickle in his nostrils that refreshed him, reminding him of the flowers his friend communed with when they were alone in the garden she cultivated.

Bobby dug his fingers into his fists and growled. If it was not his friend, then there was only one lousy girl who smelled nice no matter what.

 _Speak of the she-devil,_ he thought, frowning, _and she comes outta heck._

Bobby noticed her dyed teal hair mirrored in the corner of the GPC. He pivoted to face her, his worn sneakers squeaking louder than the chatter of the seagulls flying overhead. He crossed his arms, putting his weight on to his right leg. Leering down at her, Bobby twisted his mouth into a smirk that matched hers, jeering, “Oh, hey, Kitty. I didn’t smell you coming.”

Kitty flipped her long hair over her shoulder. “It’s from Chanel’s summer perfume line. I gave a spritz to Lili on my way here, too, and she loved it,” she said, her ruby red lips parting to show off her perfect teeth. 

Her words punched right into his gut. Bobby’s expression fell for a second, but he quickly restrained his features into a scowl before she could enjoy his shock. “I thought I told you to make like an egg and beat it instead of goin’ near her,” he hissed, his fists tightening.

Kitty checked her scarlet nails, raising her left hand to the sunlight. It filtered on her in a way that even Bobby had to admit was appealing. It framed her contoured cheeks - which Bobby had no idea how she could maintain in a humid camp like Whispering Rock - and brought out the glitter twinkling in her shimmering lime green eye shadow. It was no wonder why Lili was drawn to her.

Bobby resisted the urge to ram his knuckles into her jaw. Her perfectly caked-up face really needed rearranging, but he risked Sasha overhearing their argument. While he knew Sasha tended to stay out of the personal lives of the campers, Bobby assumed if the scuffle happened so close to his laboratory, then he would possibly revoke his offer. It would have stained Bobby with humiliation to stumble back to Lili with nothing meaningful to show her, and that was another victory for Kitty that he refused to allow.

Noticing his shaking fists, Kitty scoffed. “Oh, please, let’s not act like you’re her boyfriend or anything. Me giving her a free sample of perfume is not the end of the world.”

“How many times do I have to tell you that I don’t like Lili like that? Sheesh!” He threw his arms up. “Girls like you are so stupid. No wonder Jaxson dumped you last summer.”

Kitty’s nose wrinkled, and Bobby grinned. Mentioning an old flame was certain to rile her up, but to his aggravation, she quickly shrugged. She directed her attention to the GPC, and he risked glancing at it as well when she spoke.

“So, you’re really attending Sasha’s advanced training.” She brought her hands together for a golf clap. “Wow. Good for you. You’re braver than you look.”

Bobby barked out a laugh. “You’re just jealous ‘cause I’m getting private lessons.” He jabbed his nail-bitten thumb at himself. “Newsflash, sister, I bet I’m gonna be an Aura Wrangler by the time I’m done in there.” He waved her off. “So, get lost already. If I have to look at you for another second, I’ll hurl.”

She twirled a lock of hair around her finger, unaffected by his barbs. “Oh, you say that, but I guess Lili didn’t mention…” She giggled behind her hand. “...the rumors.”

He groaned and dragged his fingers through his curly hair. Did she really think he was that gullible? If anyone invented a rumor, then it was him. He created the urban legend about the brain-eating lake monster roaming the woods at night to terrify the newer campers like the hippie who always wore a scarf. (He knew Lili was too smart to fall for that, laughing with him when he told it to her in the first place.)

“Lili told me personally that Sasha runs secret experiments at headquarters,” she said, her voice so sweet that it churned his stomach. When his eyes widened, she sucked in a short, mocking breath. “Oh, didn’t she tell you? I thought you two were close, but I guess not as close as you thought.”

Bobby grit his molars and pursed his lips, his overbite more noticeable. He crossed his arms again, this time tightly gripping his elbows. “What are you talking about?” he demanded, his tone like ice running down his own spine.

“We gossiped last night. You must have been distracted when you were smearing mud in Little Miss Firestarter’s diary.” When he balked, she clicked her tongue. “Oh, yeah, I saw you. I told Lili, and she did not like hearing that. She looked totally disappointed!” She hummed and pressed her finger into her cheek, twisting it. “I thought she told you to quit your lame bullying shtick last week, right?” 

Bobby thought he had been alone. He had checked twice to make sure no one was near the girl’s cabin when they should have been at the lodge for dinner. Little Miss Firestarter had pissed him off when she suggested working through his “issues” through pyrokinesis earlier in the day. Slathering her precious diary with mud had been a decent reminder for her to keep her thoughts to herself, but his mistake had been presenting his back to the door during the act. Anyone could have seen him while he was engrossed in finger painting grimy residue on the covers, and Kitty was the best witness to give Lili a brand new reason to leave him.

Lili already made it clear that she wanted him to stop hassling the other campers. He had tried placating her with half-hearted acceptance when she mentioned it. She had given him a few chances, and he managed to contain himself around her. Any other lame-brain would have ditched him the moment he lashed out, but Lili was different. She was cool, fun, and made him laugh. She accepted him, so he dished out payback when she looked the other way, using the other campers as outlets for his anger, and he had ensured every time that they kept their mouths shut instead of tattling to her.

But Kitty refused to stand down. She wedged herself between Lili and Bobby, seeking her attention like he did. When they all spent time together, Kitty’s words were honeyed and soothing compared to his scratchy noise, her laugh prettier than his shrill cackle. She spoke, and Lili listened to whatever she said. When she had Lili to herself in a corner of a counselor’s mental world or nestled together on her bed painting their nails, Kitty whispered in Lili’s ear whatever she wanted to tell her about him, and Bobby feared the possibility that Kitty’s notions about him would one day take hold in Lili’s brain, convincing her of his real worth (none at all).

“Nothing to say?” she asked, smiling like a cherub. While he stewed in silent rage, she raised her eyes in thought before snapping her fingers. “Oh, well. Back to business. Lili told me something scandalous. Have you heard about Representative Calvin Fuller? He was a psychic congressman who wanted to take over his SoCal district.”

He huffed, “Never heard of him. Is he a True Psychic Tales bad guy?”

Her mouth split into a smirk. “God, I can tell you’ve never left your hometown,” she sneered, punctuating it with a cackle.

Bobby winced. He walked right into her trap again. The nearby squirrels chittered as they raced underneath the GPCs, laughing at him, too. Scowling as his face burned, he snapped, “Get on with it! I don’t have all freaking day!”

She continued as if he hadn’t spoken. “So, Fuller tried brainwashing all of the people in his district with hypnosis during his acceptance speech, but Agent Nein dove in and saved the day. That’s how it was shown in True Psychic Tales issue…” She trailed off, quickly shaking her head. “Whatever. The number doesn’t matter since that’s the story the writers want you to believe, but that’s not the end of it.”

She advanced on him. Her footsteps made the metal rungs clang. Kitty wrapped her arms behind her back, leering at him with wide eyes. Bobby’s chest constricted, his brain telling him to shove her, but his arms remained like lead at his sides.

“After mopping the floor with him, Sasha brought Fuller back to his secret lab at the Motherlobe. Lili told me the Lesser Head wanted Sasha to examine the full extent of the representative’s hypnosis abilities,” Kitty said, lowering her voice. Her whisper was carried by the wind into his ears. “So, Sasha went ahead and did what he’s going to do with you.”

He swallowed so thickly that they both heard it. Tension formed in his shoulders, squaring them. His back felt too rigid, like he was being forced to sit up straight in detention. He worked his jaw and ran his thumb across his uneven cuticles. The hot wind breezed through his hair. Sweat formed on his brow. His eyes locked onto hers, her dashing violet irises brighter than he remembered, looking like spilled puddles of her favorite nail polish, spreading and expanding, tinting his world in purple. 

“Did what?” he choked out, feeling a faint pounding drumming behind his eyes.

“Experimented,” Kitty simply replied, and she flicked his nose. “Duh.”

Squawking, Bobby grabbed his face and jerked backwards. His heel hit the edge of the GPC, and he lost his balance. Waving his arm, he missed grabbing the doorframe, falling unceremoniously onto his bottom in front of Kitty. Bouncing on the GPC’s soft, cushion interior, Bobby rubbed his nose, glaring at her while the button slipped out of his pocket.

“I only wanted to let you know,” Kitty chirped, bending forward, hands on her knees. “No need for the dramatics, okay? Seriously, falling down is so uncool, you klutz.”

“L-like I’m-like I’m supposed to be freaked out by you? You’re catty and batty!” Bobby shouted, voice cracking near the end. Heat colored his freckled cheeks red when she laughed, his heart sinking into his stomach. Of course she wouldn’t take him seriously, not after making a fool out of him. 

His mortification swapped for anger when he lunged off one knee at her. His hands shot out and aimed for her throat. Gasping, Kitty turned tail and ran. She scampered down the ramp with him hot on her heels. Before he could snatch her hair, she suddenly whirled around and aimed her finger between his eyes. Stunned, Bobby stopped, his fist raised by his ear, ready to plunge into her nose, his ears eagerly anticipating the sound of her cracking, broken bones.

“Touch me, and I’ll tell Lili!” she cried, breathless.

He stopped dead in his tracks. His face fell, and he gnashed down on his teeth. Of course she played that card. Why wouldn’t she? It almost made too much sense to keep it in her hand. 

She carefully paced her steps to the exit. Checking over her shoulder, she smoothed the wrinkles in her camp shirt and flashed him a grin. “Wouldn’t want our girlfriend thinking you’re an actual brute,” she said, fixing a stray barrette that had come loose when she bolted. “Anyway, keep in mind what I said, okay, camp strongman?” She snickered. “I’m sure you’ll turn out just fine unlike Representative Fuller. If not, well, it’ll probably be an improvement.”

She left without further incident. Bobby watched her until she was nothing but a multi-colored speck contrasting with the green and brown shades of the forest. He was left alone with the lizards for company, watching them scurry across the grass with their bellies pressed to the ground. The wind blew around him, stirring with the soft buzzing from nearby beehives that filled his head and refused to leave.

Bobby stood on inflexible legs. His knees refused to bend until he punched them. He beat them until they bruised, the pain making them malleable. Smacking his cheeks, he forced himself out of his stupor, red handprints now stamped on his pale skin.

Kitty was trying to twist his thoughts just like she had done last summer. It was her favorite game, and he was not going to let her win another round. He told himself that he didn’t care about experimentation or headquarters or a representative from Southern California. What concerned him was proving Kitty dead wrong, especially when the ticks were moving in her favor.

His friend was wrapped in her spiderweb. As he trudged back to the GPC, uncertainty gnawed at him. What would Kitty say about him about their encounter? What Lili thought about him mattered; her opinion was the only one with any importance in the entire stinking camp.

He glared at the red button resting next to prongs raising up from the cushion in the center GPC. Kneeling, he snatched it and brought it to eye level.

Lili praised Sasha. If she had so much good to say about him, then nothing would go wrong, and Kitty could suck it. (His heart still hammered in his chest, a chill like a virus spreading between his rattling ribs.)

Bobby placed the button on the prongs and watched it sink. The mechanisms, whatever they were, whirred. The cushion parted to reveal the true entrance to Sasha’s lab, allowing him to see a ladder and blue walls.

He smirked. He was the one getting special training, not Kitty, not even Lili. He was talented and powerful, repeating his self-worth as a mantra while he descended the ladder. Announcing his arrival, Bobby hoped to have something to gloat about when he reunited with Lili off the beaten path by her favorite wildflowers.

(An hour later, he fled past Lili and Kitty by those pretty blue flowers as fast as his levitation ball could go, screaming.)

**Author's Note:**

> bobby, at the end of camp, traumatized: i am NOT going to base my entire sense of self-worth on a girl EVER AGAIN!!!  
> kitty, holding lili's hand: haha loser  
> bobby, three years later, after hanging out with chloe for a week: oh no  
> kitty, holding franke's hand: haha loser


End file.
